The Worrying in Me

I think I’ve probably mentioned that this past year hasn’t been my best but I’m done with that- it’s time to “shake off the dust”, to get back up- because yes I unfortunately literally fell on my face- oops! Yes my cancer came back last year, last November actually and it’s been pretty rough but I got through it. Then in September they found something “new”…but we would need to wait a few months to see if it grew. Waiting to see if a new brain tumor will grow is so much fun- that’s a joke. Luckily I’ve had some practice. The key is NOT to worry. Easy? Well, no but I have learned that worrying is negative and super toxic. Worrying doesn’t help and I truly believe it can hurt. So, first step is to stay positive and occupy myself with lots of other things- ANYTHING to keep my mind off the impending results.

FEAR- it’s not real. It’s a lie that we create in our minds and trust me I realize that it feels VERY REAL. Coming from someone who used to suffer from panic attacks, I get it. They are physical to the point where you can’t breathe or feel like you’re having a heart attack. However I had to find a way to FACE my fear if I wanted to beat cancer and live. So I did. I took control and I still do. So that’s what I did as I waited for the “news”.

Don’t make it a BIG DEAL. Another thing I try to do is not make the day I get my MRI a BIG and scary day. In fact I try not to think about it until a few days before. Then I have a playlist called “Brave” that I listen to on our way to the hospital and we are there. That playlist is filled with all my favorite “pump me up” songs- for lack of a lack of a better term. At that point it’s all in God’s hands.

The results…I am happy to report that my scans were “stable”, meaning there was no growth to the tumors and in my world that is a HUGE WIN!!!

Oh, by the way that new and super scary thing- that turned out to be nothing…

2 thoughts on “The Worrying in Me

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