Eight. I didn’t even think about that number. I was just going through the motions- taking it day by day- just focusing on getting and FEELING better. Each year since I was diagnosed with Brain Cancer I celebrate each moment, each day and yes every year. We celebrate on the day my life was saved- the day of my surgery. Some people celebrate on the day that their cancer is cured but since that hasn’t happened for me YET I choose to celebrate differently. I’m happy with my choice. I am so grateful I was saved. Am I happy that I still have cancer? Well, not exactly but I try very hard not to focus on that part and focus on all the positive things in my life.
This past year was a little different. I have had some setbacks along my journey but in November of 2020 I learned that my cancer had cancer had come back. It was new and in new areas. This time around I had some new doctors and since we were in the middle of the COVID pandemic procedures were different. My husband couldn’t always accompany me. Honestly I wasn’t my “positive” self. I wish I could lie to you but the whole ordeal from the biopsy to the radiation was terrible. My recovery was long and my attitude was very negative. I couldn’t read, watch TV, work, walk on my own or barely talk to my family. So- what now?
I knew I needed to get out of this slump- right away. My theory is that positivity has always been what helped saved my life but how would I get from this to there? I didn’t want to listen to anyone else (I can be a bit stubborn) so I had to do this on my own. I needed to close my eyes and just listen. My body was fighting my new medication and making me sick so I told my doctors that I needed to cut back. So we did. I started to be honest with my those closest to me about how I was REALLY feeling. I realized that I was trying so hard to be positive FOR them but I wasn’t being honest with myself. Once I did that things slowly started to get better.
When I’m at the hospital and I see others who are sick, especially when they have brain cancer, I feel so badly for THEM. Whatever is going on with me gets put on the back burner. Whether it’s a child or an adult- it makes me so angry that this disease has no cure. When I get angry it makes me want to fight. So I feel stronger. I am currently in the middle of fighting off these three new buggers so I need ALL my strength and positivity.
Now here I am- 8 years later, still here and still fighting. Maybe I will get knocked down and it will be tough but I WILL get back up. I will NEVER GIVE UP.
Thank you for reading.